In the summer of 2020, during a Design Thinking training, a trainer shared a story that left a lasting impact on me. He spoke about the power of perspective taking through the lens of FBI negotiators.
He asked us to imagine the unthinkable—your child has been kidnapped. The kidnapper knows the location, but you don't. Time is running out. How do you get them to reveal it? The answer isn't force. It's perspective taking.
FBI negotiators emphasize that the most effective way to extract critical information isn't by applying pressure—it's by truly understanding the other person. Their values, motives, fears, and beliefs. Only by stepping into their world—seeing what they see, thinking how they think, and feeling what they feel—can you influence them in a way that shifts their behavior.
Here's a real-world example:
I worked with a sales professional in the fintech industry who faced yet another rejection from the Risk department. Frustrated and emotional, he was ready to escalate the issue to senior executives. However, during our coaching session, we explored key questions: What kind of professionals choose to work in Risk? What do they value? What is the positive intention behind their approach?
As he reflected on these questions, he began to see the situation differently. Once his emotions settled, he was able to shift his perspective, choose the best approach, and successfully resolve the case without escalation.
Top 3 Questions for Perspective Taking
- What might this person's goals, challenges, or priorities be in this situation?
- How might they view this situation differently from me, and why?
- If I were in their position, what would I need or want right now?
In leadership, sales, conflict resolution, and decision-making, the ability to take another's perspective transforms the way we communicate and influence.
